Mothers Day 2010

Mothers Day, and the first thought going through my mind was that I may never celebrate another mothers day with my son Jonathan living in my home. He's off to the Air Force Academy in June (21st) after graduating on the 18th of the same month. I was dying in the kitchen, the last batch of springs yellow blossoms, and getting a lovely gold from the deep dye bath. He asked me to help him fill out his security application, and the plastic spoon I use for iron fell in the pot. Still gold, but darker some how. I tried to help him fill out the forms, and felt my chest go tight and my breathing become harder. Panic attack. I put the papers down. I just can't do it. I had to leave the room, and even now my chest hurts. He's been mine for 17 years. This is even harder than when I brought my daughter to Princeton, because I knew I'd still see her. Talk with her. Share with her. When Jon leaves, I won't be able to have contact with him again until September, parents weekend. After that, I don't even know when the next time will be. I remember basic training. It was the letters that got me though. I'll write to him (who knows, maybe someday he'll get rich publishing my letters in a memoire).

My fiber is still soaking in the pot. I'll let it cool overnight. I took a portion of that bath, added ammonia and a touch of iron. I'm looking for a greenish brown color. I'll have to wait, be patient, and see what time brings. I hope I can love the colors.